Pt. 3 - Tending Your Own Wounds
We can create gentle, intentional spaces to begin expressing our own unique pain, using different languages beyond just words.
Dear Friend,
In this session, we will get just a little more personal. Now is the most important time to be kind to yourself. Remember your grounding exercises. The goal is not to force a cathartic experience, but to gently touch your grief in a way that feels safe and manageable. Start small. Choose to lament something that feels like a 2 or 3 on a pain scale of 1-10, not a 9 or 10. We are building capacity, not diving into the deep end.
Just like our mental health journey will look different for each person, so will the practice of lament. It is important to explore different ways to express anguish, simply because we are holistic beings. When we have no words, perhaps there is music. Or movement. Or artistic expression. Maybe even groaning or crying is all we can muster. Whatever form your lament takes, consider it holy. You are doing incredible work.
—The Speak Out Team
YOUR UNIQUE LANGUAGE OF GRIEF
Words can be powerful, but sometimes our pain is pre-verbal or too complex for language. Trauma can make it especially difficult to access the part of our brain that uses words. The good news is that lament is not limited to journaling or eloquent prayers.
You can lament through:
Art: Take a piece of paper and crayons or markers. You don't need to be an artist. Choose colors that represent how you feel. Make scribbles, shapes, or lines that express the tension, sadness, or anger inside you. Give your pain a color and a shape.
Music: Create a playlist of songs that resonate with your grief. Let the music speak for you. Or, if you play an instrument, sit and play whatever comes out, without judgment.
Movement: Put on a piece of instrumental music and allow your body to move in a way that feels honest. This could be stretching, rocking, or even just clenching and unclenching your fists. Let your body tell its story.
Silence: Sometimes the most profound lament is a silent one. Simply sit and create space for your grief to be present with you, without needing to name it or fix it. This is an act of honoring its existence.
The key is to find an outlet for the emotion that bypasses the need for a perfect explanation. It's about expression, not performance.
Practice: a Gentle, Personal Lament
Choose one of the methods above (writing, art, music, movement, silence) that feels most accessible to you right now.
Set a timer for just 5-10 minutes. Before you begin, do a grounding exercise.
Ground Yourself: Notice your feet on the floor and take a few deep breaths.
Bring to Mind: Gently bring to mind a small and manageable source of frustration, disappointment, or sadness. (e.g., a frustrating meeting at work, a small disappointment, feeling tired).
Address (The "To Whom"): In your mind, or in your chosen medium, orient yourself. This might be "God," "Jesus," "Spirit," or simply "Holy One." If that doesn't feel safe, you can simply address the page or the space in front of you.
Express (The "What"): Using your chosen method, spend a few minutes expressing the feeling.
Writing: Write uncensored. "I'm so frustrated that..." "It's not fair that..."
Art: Let the colors and shapes flow without a plan.
Music/Movement: Let the sound or motion express the feeling.
Release: When the timer goes off, take another deep breath. If you wrote or drew something, you can say a simple "amen," or "I’ll leave this here." You might choose to fold the paper up as a symbolic act of release. Acknowledge that your body is doing a great job keeping you safe, and allowing this time for processing some difficult emotions.
REFLECTION
Remember, you do not need to share the content of your lament with anyone. We are reflecting on the process.
What was the experience of trying to give your feeling expression? (e.g., Was it difficult, freeing, awkward, calming?)
For those who tried a non-verbal method, what was that like compared to using words?
What's one thing you could do to care for yourself after touching this small piece of grief?